Author Series: "Show Up" | with Anthony Melchiorri

The Modern Hotelier #51: Author Series: "Show Up" with Anthony Melchiorri === [00:00:00] we all go to the edge of the mountain, but we're all holding hands. If one person falls, we grab them. And if we all fall, then we all down together. [00:00:08] But if we all win, we're still holding hands. So that's when I started to realize. I have to believe in myself and that my techniques work because my techniques are built on building teams. [00:00:18] Welcome to The Modern Hotelier. I'm your host, David Millili. [00:00:46] I'm your co host Steve Carran. [00:00:48] And I'm the producer, Jon Bumhoffer. [00:00:50] And I'm your guest, [00:00:50] Anthony [00:00:51] Mercuri. Q& A from [00:00:53] we go! We have on Anthony Melchuri coming back for a second time. a little background about Anthony if you don't know him. He started his hospitality career working at the Embassy Suites in Overland Park, Kansas. And he worked his way up to becoming one of the most successful GMs in New York City. [00:01:10] And in 2012 he landed a deal with the Travel Channel where he hosted nine seasons of Hotel Impossible. During that time, he discovered the five steps that allow him to show up for himself and for the hotels and owners in which he served. he used these five steps to come help hoteliers turn around their establishments. [00:01:31] Author of Show Up, welcome back to the show, Anthony Melchiorri. [00:01:36] How are you? [00:01:37] Good, Anthony, how are you? [00:01:39] Steve, who's your co host? [00:01:41] Oh, we all know David. We know David. [00:01:44] Oh, hi, David. I'm Anthony. Nice to meet [00:01:45] you. [00:01:49] So, Anthony, thank you for coming back on the show, we're excited to talk about your new book, Show Up. What inspired you to write Show Up? And what was the process like? [00:01:59] David inspires me for all things. So it was David's inspiration. Just watching him do everything wrong made me want to do everything right. No, just kidding. Me David have been friends for 30 years, and he's one of my dearest friends. But, what inspired me to do the book was, it's just something I wanted to do for a long time, and, David always said, you don't have a book. [00:02:21] You should have a book. Just when I had a Honda Accord, he goes, you can't drive a Honda Accord. You need a nicer car than that. So I to everything David says, and so I started writing the book. And the process was excruciating because I started 10 years ago with a different book, and it was actually called, Get Your Head Out of Your Ass. [00:02:39] But then people told me I shouldn't start with that book. so we changed the title and I worked with a gentleman named John Walcott. And John actually was my co writer. I wrote every word because I basically spoke every word. And he wrote them down and really helped me format the book. So the process was excruciating because it took me really ten years. [00:02:57] And then about two years ago when I met John, it really helped me. And We've kind of changed it several times. And basically, you know, it's, my voice. so, if you know me personally, know. That it's my voice and it's the way I live my life and Really I I guess what's stuck in my psyche is all the things that maybe didn't go well early in my career because I don't really talk too much about Hotel Impossible or even my last 10 years. [00:03:22] I talk a lot about, my formative years in the, industry and formal years, I should say, the Air Force, college a little bit and, and my first couple of gigs in the city and, through that. I realized the five words that I usually use has really helped me be successful. and the one that I use the most probably, and what I think we should all, especially in these times, is durability. [00:03:49] So I just basically wrote stories, and each story is showing how I use that word, throughout my career. [00:03:56] Alright, so in the beginning of the book, you talk about defining who you are and what you want. when was that for you? [00:04:02] I saw, Honestly I think we're all still developing and all still finding ourselves and still, uh, learning about ourselves. But I would say... My first real success of something that was very big struggle was the Algonquin Hotel. And as we started to really turn that around and build a team, I started to realize that although my methods are pretty straightforward. [00:04:26] it's my commitment to the team and my commitment to the goal. We're going to win. Like, I don't understand any other words, so we're going to win. It's going to be hard. So my philosophy of, we all go to the edge of the mountain, but we're all holding hands. If one person falls, we grab them. And if we all fall, then we all down together. [00:04:46] But if we all win, we're still holding hands. So that's when I started to realize. I have to believe in myself and that my techniques work because my techniques are built on building teams. it's not for me, it's not for accolades, it's not for look at me. It's like, let's take that young person that's never done anything and let's give them A tremendous amount of responsibility and let's see if they're able to do it. [00:05:11] I promoted a, part time union member to director of housekeeping. Everyone thought I was out of my mind. It was the best thing I've ever done. So I guess my techniques and my belief, in people. And think, a friend of mine, David, says I read a room faster than anybody else. So I think trusting those instincts, uh, started to really say, maybe I have something. [00:05:32] So take us through the five steps. Take us through each one and how you came up with those. [00:05:39] I'll read them first for you and then I'll go through each one of them. It's it's flexibility, it's, uh, durability, authenticity, and relevancy. And each one, in one conversation or in one, Hotel Project or anything, any interaction, you can use all five words. You can use one. So I think if you're not relevant, so let's start with that. [00:06:02] If you're not relevant, no one's going to listen to you. So you've got it. You can be relevant in media, PR, podcasting, TV, books. That's one way of being relevant. Or you can be relevant to your staff where you do what you say you're going to do. You, remember their birthday. You have a touchstone with them when it's appropriate for them that you're not always bothering them, not always on top of them, but you're relevant to them because, oh, it's kind of like a kid, like as they grow up into an adult, they'll call you because you're still relevant to them, but they're not going to call you all the time. [00:06:37] Maybe not as much as you want them to call you. so being relevant I think is critical, and consistency, and I think everybody can understand what consistency is. especially in the hotel, especially in your behavior, if you're not consistent, people can't rely on you. And if people don't rely on you, especially in today's technology driven world, they're going to rely on somebody else, or something else. [00:06:59] And flexibility. You know, whether flexibility be it where you're flexible in changing your, idea or whether it be flexible in, creating an environment where everyone could participate. So, I always say if you're, not flexible, you break. So early on, I don't know if I was as flexible, I wasn't flexible and now I'm very flexible because if you don't, you, won't be successful. [00:07:27] So again, these are all basic things, that we all use sometimes, but every one of them has got to be used a percent in its, pure form. You can't be flexible for your benefit. You have to be flexible for both benefits. So if you're just flexible for your benefit, you're not going to win in the long run. [00:07:44] And durability. We all get kicked in the you know what, we've all had struggles, we've all had challenges, and it's that durability to not know how to stop. You know, we've all been down. And if you, stop, that's problem. So I think my durability has has been my number one thing that I've relied on. [00:08:06] Even when I don't know what the hell I'm doing. It's like if I just get up and put my pants on and out of the house, I think I'll be [00:08:11] okay. [00:08:11] I love that. I love that. And, you know, in the last third of the book, you talk about putting those five steps into action. When in your life have you put those five steps into action, and has there been a time where you maybe wish you would have put those five steps into action? [00:08:27] I think it's a daily basis and, uh, yeah, the answer [00:08:30] is of course. And, [00:08:31] and I didn't mention authenticity. I think authenticity is really when people. If someone describes me that knowing me for a long time, I think the first thing they would say is authentic. And so I started really, especially when I was writing the book, I started really kind of pushing into authenticity. [00:08:48] And when I wanted to say something, I said, I don't want to say that because maybe it'll be screwed incorrectly. But that's like, if I'm not authentic, You know, one of the reasons people hire me or the reason, you know, people want to work with me is because they know where they stand all the time. So I think authenticity has been a big part of my career. [00:09:07] But in the beginning of my career, I think it got me in a lot of trouble because maybe I was talking when I should have been listening. But yeah, all five of them, you use them, David uses them, they all use them. Everybody has their own words and their own philosophies. These are mine these are what worked for me, you know, but at the end of the day, Shutting off the noise and not looking at everybody's TikTok life and Instagram life and Facebook life, stop. [00:09:34] And I actually block people that I respect and I admire. Because I have friends, some have airplanes, some have yachts, some have, bigger TV shows, some people, whatever. And I was like, you know what? I love them. I respect them. I don't need to see the, I don't need to see the noise. I need to see what I'm working on and what I'm focused on. [00:09:51] Because when you start doing it, I say, Oh, how do I take a shortcut to that? And I don't want that. So that, why am I looking at that? So I look at things that, help me. and sometimes I just look at TikTok to make laugh because I need a good laugh. But I think people, and I think we all say this, and I think we all see it, is people are becoming less human because they're all looking at other people. [00:10:15] you know, for people who are listening or watching, you know, I think what's important to realize is that this really isn't a hotel book. This is more a book about life and about business and about your own person and so having said that and having read the book, you know, what advice Would you give listeners in general just to show up? [00:10:39] What would you kind of if you had one thing that you know kind of give that elevator pitch on showing up? What would you tell people? [00:10:46] Make sure you have your stuff together. Make sure you're okay with yourself. Make sure that you know what you're capable of doing, where you can push yourself, and what you won't accept in life. You know, when we walk into a meeting or we walk into a friendship whatever it is, sometimes we don't know what we'll accept. [00:11:06] You have to know what you'll accept, so you'll know what you won't accept. So I think in life, whether it be your business, you're interviewing, And you really want this job because it's good money, but you know what, it's a little further from my house, and you know what, the boss wasn't really nice in the interview, and you know, my office really isn't that nice, but the money's really, good. [00:11:24] I'm going to figure it out. No, you probably won't. You'll probably get there six weeks, six months, and be miserable because the commute's too long, your boss is an asshole, and you start to become miserable. so know what you want, and don't lie to yourself. [00:11:39] don't lie, for what you really, want in life. So, I think a lot of people jump into something because it's cool. I mean, how many people have watched something on Instagram or TikTok, went out of their way, waited an hour online for something, and then you have a bagel and it's terrible. I didn't wait online, but this big thing that's on TikTok, everybody's saying it's great. [00:12:00] I happened to be there, it was early in the morning, I went in for a bagel. It was a bagel! But somehow they me 33 for lox and cream cheese with a bagel, and it was a bagel. I could have got that bagel anywhere. So my point being is, don't believe the hype, trust yourself, and, it sucks sometimes. [00:12:17] It sucks hard sometimes, and that's when you have to really rely on your five steps. Whatever your five steps are, I don't do my five steps, but you have to have five steps. You know? And, you know, if I have to say one of the people I admire is David, because David He believes in people and he trusts people. [00:12:34] He trusts people a lot more than I people. And you know, that's something that works for him. And you know, maybe it won't work for somebody else, but you know, for David, his relationship, she's a, he's the best relationship builder I've ever met. And so we all got to find ourselves. Don't look at mine. [00:12:50] Don't read my book and say, I'm going to do exactly what Anthony says, because really what really what really what I want to write the book for is you're the most important person in the room. [00:12:59] I love that. I love that. Anthony, this was great. Thanks for hopping on quick. We're done with our part, but our producer, Jon, has been listening, and so he's going to wrap up here with one final question. [00:13:10] What's up, Jon? [00:13:12] What's up, how you doing? [00:13:13] Jon [00:13:14] my friend [00:13:14] Good, I really like, you know, the part where you say, don't let the small stuff obsess over the small stuff. Because, you know, there's the saying that the way you do Some things or one thing is the way you do everything. I know that's really important, you know, when you're in a hotel and doing all those, but I just want to hear kind of your perspective on that because I think too often people have that mentality, don'ts with the small stuff. [00:13:37] I'm gonna let David kind of fill us in on this. What happens when I walk into a room, David, how quickly do I assess something? And then I immediately obsess over that one little thing, obsess about it and go, no, David, no, David, no, David, trust me. And then months later, three months later, a year later, it comes out to, the other side because I'm obsessing about that one little thing. [00:14:01] the best story is it not only with people but with process so I had a meeting with Anthony We were sitting in the lobby of the Algonquin And I could kind of tell he really wasn't listening to me, but what he was listening to was the phone ringing that nobody was picking up at the front desk. And he actually said, excuse me one second. [00:14:20] And he actually went over to the front desk, leaned over, picked up the phone and answered it. And then hung it up. so what's unique about you is that with not only people but in situations, you'll see stuff. And it's kind of that curse of being a GM where you'll see... The wallpaper peeling, or you'll see the scuff, you talked about the scuffs on the bottom of the floor. [00:14:40] You'll see the, you know, the sir and the shoes had to be shined the right way. so it's, with you and with your philosophy, it's, twofold. It's reading the person, but when you say read a room, people usually think it's just reading the person or the people in the room. But he's actually reading the physical room along with the people, [00:14:58] And I think I just kind of figured out the other day when I was talking to somebody. I have OCD, right? And it's not like, oh, I have OCD, like, I really have OCD. And so it's been a real struggle for me growing up there. Sometimes I couldn't even leave my house. I never really spoke about it. [00:15:12] And I've really figured out ways of dealing with my OCD and I'm getting much better and I can function, right? But the reason I love the hotel business, and I just realized this the other day, and the reason I'm I'm process driven... is because when everything's right, I'm comfortable. When I'm in a room, and David's been with me a hundred times, where I, if I'm in a room and it's comfortable, I'm the happiest person in the world. [00:15:37] Like, there's a new show that we're coming out we call it Hotel All Stars, and I was watching Rough Cut last night. and it's the Breakers Hotel, and the producer said you were so, like, on and so adamant and so intense, and I said because I really comfortable. I was in one of the best hotels in the world, everything done right, so I was so passionate it. [00:15:57] So, if, I don't have the things the right way and everything is kind of lined up the right way, it's hard for me to emotionally function. It's I think because of my and I just realized the other day, so that's why I like beautiful hotels, so. Yeah, when I say obsessed about it, and if I'm talking to David and I am the GM and I'm hanging out with my friend, and pal having a drink, but a guest get the person at the front desk, or maybe the guest needs blow dryer and leaving, for a meeting and they don't have a blow dryer and nobody answered the phone. [00:16:26] You know, I'm enjoying myself, but the person that's paying 300 to 500 a night for the room is not enjoying themselves. So that's, then I'm a fraud. Then I'm not, then I'm not being authentic to, my mission. Then I'm a fraud, that David's more important than phone call. And, you know, David's not that important. [00:16:45] Alright, so. That wraps it up. This has been super exciting for, you know, for Steve and Jon and myself. It's the first time we've ever interviewed a missile pilot who's written a book. So that's very exciting. And, uh, tell us where we can find the book, Anthony, and how people can purchase it. [00:17:03] you can go to AnthonyMelchiorri.com find it. You can go to, my website, or you can go to Amazon. you know, you didn't call it a bestseller. I'm really disappointed. [00:17:11] I knew you would say it, so that's why I didn't say it. [00:17:15] Yeah, we were very fortunate we got bestseller on Amazon. And, it's, listen, it's just about. the way I go about my business, sometimes I fail, sometimes I succeed. In the end of the day, you know, we're all trying to do the same thing. [00:17:31] Alright, thank you so much. I'm sure we're going to have you on in the future. I hope to see you very soon, and, uh... Thank you. Appreciate [00:17:37] seem really excited to have me. [00:17:40] we had a little bit of technical difficulty, but we're good. [00:17:44] See you later. Bye.